Survive Infidelity - How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make Which Prolong Mistrust And Misery

by: Denise A. Dilmore


For a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. And with good reason. It is difficult to "move on" once you have been devastated by an affair.

If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process. After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so much the "sexual act" which is the most difficult to survive, but the deciet, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once the affair stops.

Here are 3 mistakes most women make which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them:

Mistake #1 - Visualizing The Details and Playing It Over And Over Again

The number one mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the "what, when, where and how they did things" is destructive to your sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage.

To survive infidelity you must learn to take control of your mind and stop the negative visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but unnatural for you to torture yourself with "thoughts of them."

Tips to help rid yourself of unwanted thoughts are

-Be aware of when negative thoughts are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern

-Become aware of what triggers your negative thoughts and images

-Make a conscious decision to stop yourself when these thoughts and images appear

-Stop telling yourself and others that you can't stop thinking this way - because you can

-Realize you are in control of your thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to keep your mind occupied

-Make a written list of 10 things you are grateful for and pull it out and read it every time your negatative thinking begins

Mistake #2 - Trying To Put The Marriage Back To "The Way It Was"

The number two mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to "the way it was." For a couple to survive infidelity, both must realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated, misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.

Tips to help you create new ways of communicating are:

-Stop yourself from falling into the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair

-Accept the marriage will not be the same as it was prior to the infidelity

-Get professional counselling or find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating

-Learn to listen to your partner rather than jumping in with a response

Mistake #3 - Focusing on The Affair Rather Than The Marriage

The number three mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process. Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings would be arising. Therefore, once you have both made the decision to survive the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the marriage is destructive and futile.

Tips to help you focus on your marriage again are:

-Every day make a list of things he did right

-Ask yourself why did you fall in love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same qualities

-Take time away from the everyday routine to spend quality time together

-Find new activities and things you are both interested in doing together

-Designate specific times to discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marraige stronger

Ultimately, your husband carries a large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery. It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your relationship.

Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage, there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving infidelity.

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Affair Surviving - 3 Reasons Why Asking Your Husband To Go To Counselling Is A Big Mistake

by: Denise A. Dilmore


If you have recently found out about your husband's affair, you know just how devastating affair surviving really is. You may want to ask your husband to attend counselling sessions as you feel they are needed to save your marriage. Think again! Asking your husband to go to counselling is a big mistake.

Although counselling can be a perfect solution for couples who have both agreed to participate, if your husband feels pushed or forced into it, the results will not be favourable.

Over 50% of couples and individuals who seek marriage counselling after an affair reported the counselling seldom worked. If both couples were not 100% committed to the affair surviving help, the cheating spouse entered counselling guarded and with little intent to interact or disclose any deep feelings.

The cheating spouse then often sabotaged the sessions and the end result was the counselling pushed them away rather than saved the marriage.

3 Reasons Why Asking Your Husband To Go To Counselling Is A Big Mistake

Reason #1.

Your husband may feel he is being forced or manipulated into a solution. If your husband is not 100% committed to rebuilding your marriage and surviving the affair, do not try to convince him to attend marriage counselling sessions.

Reason #2.

Your husband may feel you are desperate. You are prepared to do whatever it takes to keep him in the marriage. Unfortunately, human nature leans towards wanting what you can't have. If you are pushing for a solution to remain in his life and come across like you can't live without him, this will not attract him but may push him away.

Reason #3

Your husband may feel you want to fix him. Although I'm sure your husband knows he is in the wrong for having an affair, there is still a sense of justification. In his mind his needs were not being met and therefore he looked outside the marriage to fulfill his needs. If he feels you are trying to fix or change him, resentment and distance can develop.

To encourage your husband to join you in affair surviving strategies, whether it be marriage counselling, books or online resources, take control of yourself first. Focus on your own self-care and be willing to take a non-reactive stand and move on with your life. Explain to him that you are getting counselling/advice to change your life. That the marriage hasn't been what it should be for some time and you need to make positive changes within your life. With or without him.

Focusing on your own affair surviving strategies and self-care is the key to engaging your husband to participate whole heartedly in rebuilding your marriage. Once you are both committed to saving your relationship, it's just a matter of time before your marriage will be loving and stronger than ever before.

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What To Do When Your Friends and Your Girlfriend Don't Gel

by: Ram Gupta


There are many reasons why couples round the world struggle to sustain a healthy relationship. A major problem that sometimes crops up is that a person's significant other just doesn't seem to like his closest friends. If you are facing the same situation, you have probably had to confront a lot of negative energy from your wife or girlfriend. However, you needn't think that this situation is beyond redemption. You can still make your relationship work, if you are prepared to take the right steps.

The Cause May Not Be Your Friends

If you have just got past the honeymoon period of your relationship, what you are facing is not very uncommon. You need to consider the possibility that your partner is probably reacting to the fact that other things have started to edge their way into your life, which she thinks are pulling you away from her. Your friends may be one of these 'externalities.' Perhaps she doesn't have too many close friends herself, so she struggles to understand your exclusive relationship with your friends. If you think that, at the end of the day, what she is grudging is not the personalities of your friends, but the fact that you may be moving away from her, you need to reassure her that she is mistaken. Even if you can't spend as much time with her as before, try to make the time you do spend special.

When She Genuinely Doesn't Like Them

Obviously, there is also the possibility that she genuinely doesn't like certain friends of yours. If that's happening, you have to accept the fact that she has a right to form her own judgments and impressions, and those could be very different from yours. However, check with her who she doesn't like and why. You should also tell her why you like them. If you both are open and communicative, you will prevent barriers from forming between you two.

Making Plans With Her and Friends

If you perceive that your wife or girlfriend doesn't like some friends of yours, respect her for that and don't include her into plans she would rather not be a part of. If you have been pressurizing her to share the company of people she doesn't like, it will adversely affect her mood, and all her grievances will be rightly directed towards your behavior.

Never Give Up Your Friends

The one thing you should never do is discard your friends or drift away from them just because your wife or girlfriend doesn't like them. A healthy relationship can only be sustained when two people are prepared to accept that they both have the right to an independent space for themselves. Your friends are part of that space. The moment you get pressurized into giving them up, you will start forming a grudge against your partner, and it will come out in an ugly and hurtful manner in a fight.

Finally, to maintain a happy relationship with your girlfriend, you need to always remember to communicate clearly. The more you repress yourself, the more difficult it will become to have a calm conversation on the issue.

You are free to publish this article without any change in the content electronically, in print, in your e-book, or on your web site, free of charge, as long as the author resource details are included.

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Single Christian Girls and Pre-Marital Sex

by: Trent Burks


In our each day lives, single Christian girls and men have discovered comfort and satisfaction with the corporation of their boyfriends and girlfriends, so considerably so that they have turn out to be emotionally dependent on just about every other. Nevertheless most usually than not, this emotional and bodily closeness has uncovered them to the probable penalties and potential risks of pre-marital intercourse.

The virtue of virginity has been with us since the Roman medieval instances when kings, queens, princes, princesses, girls and their knights guard themselves with "chastity belts" against temptation and rape. It was imagined of as a blessing, of superior worth and even excellent luck in some cultures. Preserving a woman's dignity and honor for her husband and knight was regarded as 1 of the purest virtues of the greatest buy. For all those unfamiliar with the gadget, it is a locking item of apparel worn by men and women possibly male or female, developed to protect against sexual intercourse. In these contemporary occasions, virginity is regarded by several as nonsensical or absurd.

At current, as virgins are turning out to be an endangered species and mankind needing a more relevant alternative, this highly regarded and revered outdated apply was changed by yet another aged apply which is abstinence before marriage. The New Testament has lots of passages in the Bible that mentions about sex before marriage. In a single verse the apostle Paul wrote, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is very good for them to remain unmarried, as I am. But if they can't management themselves, they need to marry, for it is superior to marry than to burn with passion."(NIV, one Corinthians seven:8-nine). Jesus and our Christian faith emphasized this in buy to teach us and the total humanity how to self-discipline ourselves and thereby instill earth order and protect against world-wide chaos brought on by pestilence.

To our beloved single Christian gals and men. Remember that, sexual intercourse outdoors of the confines of marriage is known as "fornication". Yet again, in the New Testament, Jesus Christ even mentioned of "sexual immorality" as one particular of human's frailty when He mentioned, "What comes out of a guy is what would make him 'unclean.' For from inside, out of men's hearts, appear evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils appear from inside and make a gentleman 'unclean.'"(NIV, Mark seven:twenty-23)

Likewise, the apostle Paul even wrote, "But considering that there is so considerably immorality, just about every guy ought to have his very own wife, and each and every lady her private husband."(1 Corinthians 7:two) Here we are being taught to marry so that we can satisfy our passions in a moral way, given that several individuals are not able to control by themselves and are obtaining immoral sex outdoors of marriage. He additionally stated, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins individuals commit are outdoors their bodies, but individuals who sin sexually sin in opposition to their very own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have acquired from God? You are not your private you have been purchased at a selling price. As a result honor God with your bodies."(TNIV, one Corinthians 6:eighteen-20)

Could I praise these who practice abstinence prior to marriage soon after closely analyzing the added benefits of this venerated apply has to give in our Christian dwelling specially to our single Christian gals I discover it really appropriate, logical, systematic and useful in our modern-day residing.

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